As my brother walked in from work tonight, he caught me hovering over a paper towel containing what has become a favorite snack of mine: microwaved bacon bits.
Before you inevitably judge me, let me share a few facts about this miraculous food:
1. The bacon bits come in a re-sealable pouch & are refrigerated- which any reasonably educated person knows, means they're real food.
2. Recently, a couple of friends have made remarks such as "you know they still have calories, right?" and "they're not healthy if you eat them by the handful", to which I say: Wrong. Contrary to popular belief, denial is a calorie-free food & even if theoretically, the bacon bits contained them, the microwave causes fat to transfer itself to the paper towel. Duh.
3. Bacon bits are a versatile food - why, just the other night I had them with cheese and Wheat Thins. The week before? By themselves. Tonight? ON A BURGER I WRESTLED FROM MY BROTHER'S VERY HAND.
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| Exhibit A for AWESOME |
After making snide remarks hinting at my frequent consumption of this gift of the gods, my sweet brother advised thoughtfully "hey, you could add them to the burger..." to which I responded THAT'S THE PLAN.
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| Exhibit B for BACON BITS on BURGER action |
Of course, this activity does put a damper on my plans for executing the recently recurring fantasy of being a vegan (the "this is better for my lactose-intolerant, not good at processing animal products system" kind, not the animal rights kind) for longer than a month (with once a month bacon indulgences), but I do think this is progress, in some yet to be identified way.
By the way, that burger was a BRILLIANT idea.
